My dearest Commissioners,
I haven't sent mine is yet for the following reasons:
1. It's been snowing a lot where I live.
2. Each year it's the same - I use my years of football experience and that college edumacated brain of mine and come up with sure-fire winners... only to have the cold water of self realization slap me in the face and make fun of me in front of my friends. Honestly, it's a pathetic exercise in self-immolation. And like the road to hell, the Rocky Bowl is paved with good intentions. Sure, a little fun, some bantering... then the first loses start to roll in. Sure, like an alcoholic I think, "I can recover if Boise State just pulls this one out!" But alas, the mocking and the stares continue. And I start to sweat... is that Toilet Seat in my future? How did I get myself into this? Can I fake my own death?
Do you know how humiliating it is to be beaten by the Imaginary Children of some of the other participants? Kurt Schlicker always bests me, in life as in football... and he just chuckles when he sees me... A Dickensonian chuckle.
And much like a dog returning to his own emesis, I browse the list... NO! Never again! But OK State *should* wallop the Ducks. No... don't think about it. Georgia Tech over LSU in the Chick-Fil-A Bowl? (pronounced "Chick Fillet" for your non-Atlantians) Like the sirens temptation of Odysseus I'm getting sucked in. I've asked John "The Fisherman" Bleth to bind me to a chair and stuff my ears with beeswax to prevent my reckless folly from going public... To no avail... (Ut sit magna, tamen certe lenta ira deorum est).
But I WILL have my revenge. They say a blindfolded monkey throwing darts at a board could out-perform Bernard Madoff in picking stocks... and considering that my access to blindfolded money is limited (now that Sean "The Unknown" Nyman has moved to Arizona) I'll just have to use complex statistical parameters.
I pledge that I will NOT use ANY football skill in making my predictions. Or is that redundant?
Instead I have come up with a sophisticated algorithm based upon the random decay of sub-atomic quantum nuclear foam to make my predictions. I've decided to embrace Randomness as my new best friend... or at least until Randomness makes fun of me at the next Christmas Party.
And so... I *should* finish about the middle of the pack. Thank goodness all the proceeds are going to starving UAW workers in Detroit.
"chaos, baby. chaos."
Posts
Pysco-Skaarup;
ReplyDeleteThank you for your wonderful insights on the life of a Rocky Bowler. Now you know how it feels to be a COUGAR!!!!! After reading your note for the third time, I came to a couple of conclusions. The drugs that you and Kurt Schlicker are taking need to be monitored more closely and I'm not sure they mix well with Rulo Wine. As a small solution to your problem, please enter multiple Entry Forms for your many split personalities and you might have a better chance that the last few years you have participated. Even a god damn dog from Kansas kicked your ass a few years ago and that's worthy of sitting on the Rocky Bowl seat and pondering.
Let the games begin........and the bantering has begun. All we need now is the Ambulance Chaser in Kansas to speak up about his picks.
Maybe Plexico Burress was on to something.....if it doesn't work the first time, shot yourself!!!!!
Duke Daddy