Rocky Bowl for Dummies

OK, for those of you who have started to submit lame questions like:
1) How come you didn't send me an entry form?
2) How do I find the entry form?
3) How do I click on it? (I am surprised you found the web page)
4) How do I fill the entry form out?
5) How do I count to 34?
6) How come I don't see any Washington teams on the sheet?

Well, you get the point.... So, here are 15 simple and easy steps to follow.
Rocky says, 'So easy even a Coug can do it!', of course you know what TopCoug says... 'Shove it Rocky'!

1. We didn't send the entry form because we want the web-site to be the focus of attention. This will reduce or eliminate spam (Do I need to explain spam.... Come on... Google it).
2. There is an easy to find link to the entry form in the top of the right column of this web page(Don't ask me what a link is and how to click on it).
3. This link will take you to an E-x-c-e-l spreeeaaaadsheeeeet. Oh god, did I lose you? I see your eyes glossed over... Stay with me... Open the sheet by clicking on the link or Right-Click on the link to view several more mind numbing options.
4. Start by filling out your Firstname 'Nickname' Lastname. If you don't fill in a nickname, our nickname commissioner will fill one in for you. So, my advice is you probably want to take care of this for yourself.
5. Next, you can enter your phone number. This is required so that we can line the pockets of the 3 commissioners by selling it to the tele-marketers. Their business is really hurting and they will pay lots of money for it. We will also use it in the rare event you actually win some $$$. Just in case your email is cancelled because you didn't pay your broadband bill or you we're banned from yahoo or google or live.
6. Now, please enter your email. Eventhough we are smart enough to get it from your email when you submit your form (assuming you get that far), do it anyway.
7. Then, please tell Rocky how you will be paying. He likes to know just in case his balance sheet doesn't balance and he needs to know if he spent the cash you gave him after a few white trashes.
8. Now for the hard part. You need to determine the winner of each game. Yes, all 34 games. And you need to indicate how confident you are with each pick. You need to weight each pick 1 - 34, entering each number only once. Don't worry, the sheet is designed to help you figure out which numbers you have entered. As you enter your confidence factor in the row of your winning team selection, watch the 'Entered Value' column just to the right. Your entered value will appear with the number of times you have entered that value. If it is greater than 1, you have already entered that value on another line.
9. If this is more than you bargained for, you can exit here and nobody will know. Just send Rocky an email with a good excuse and have him remove you from the mailing list. He may or may not blast you on the blog. $$$ always works to help silence him. Also, please delete your web browser cache to remove all evidence you ever visited the Rocky Bowl web-site.
10. When you get to the 17th game, you may want to pause and remember the late Bobbie Breeze. If you weren't graced with knowing her, just think about what you missed out on. Also, think about whether you have given yourself a chance to win the coveted Bobbie Breeze award and the half way payout ( $50 last year)? Cousin Gary and Sis will ... So, will you?
11. After you have entered all your picks, please ensure your point total adds up to 595. There is help with this too. But, I am sure if you have gotten this far, you are an expert now and don't need me stating the obvious. Also, please review your sheet and make sure you have entered only 1 value on each game. We don't want to dis-qualify you before we cash your check or accept your Paypal transaction.
12. OK, now for the hard part, you need to save your sheet, print it if you like (print area should be all setup for you), and then email your form to rockybowl2009@comcast.net and figure out how to get $20 to Rocky. Drive or walk in your bare feet to his house, figure out how Paypal or the postal service works, use a friend ... Do whatever you have to do, just get him the money before the kick-off of the first game on Dec 20th.
13. If you must submit a paper form, you can mail it with your check or money order, but Rocky will be very upset and he may make a few mistakes in entering it. So, this option is not recommended.
14. OK, you are all ready to sit back, enjoy every single bowl game, drink, eat and smoke cigars at the Rock Bowl Party, and follow the results and banter on the official Rocky Bowl Site, http://rockybowl2009.blogspot.com/.
15. Yes, in the end if you are brave enough to ask any more questions, please send them to rockybowl2009@comcast.net.